The wheels go round and round.

I had enough of drama and conflicts going on and now, what's getting worst is being tortured mentally and punishing me for some ridiculous reasons. I'm fucking tired and my temper is getting higher. I understand so much if they *whoever i may refer to* don't wanna be involve with my situation, my decision and my life. I get it okay! You don't wanna be ashamed nor disappointed. But should i ask when i already know the truth? When i'm not asking, i'm the rude one? The snobby arrogant little crap that doesn't know how to be grateful? But when i'm asking, i got tons of nagging and rant from you about how stupid i am back in the old days, how ungrateful i was, useless and unchanged. HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSE TO LIVE WITH THESE KINDS OF PEOPLE? Either way, i'm the culprit. Is this the way chance should be given? I don't deserve any chances? Then, don't care. Don't even give a damn view! I'm trying to be strong. I'm trying to prove that i can live with my own decision! I'm trying to show to everybody that i am worth to be proud for. It's up to you to know or not. I might not have much strength right now, but i know my friends are there for me. They rise me up with advises and talks when you bring me down with harsh words and condemns.


Dear Allah, forgive me for this rage, for my sins to my mother and father, for my past, i'm very upset for what have happened. I only seeks your forgiveness and blessing when nobody is there for me, i felt contempt and terrible, help me Allah, open their hearts to be closer to you, and soften their hearts to see the goodness in me rather than the ugly side of my past.


I hope this too shall pass. I'm not forcing anyone to help me, my nawaitu is to further my studies, to succeed and not giving any burden to anyone. I've learned my mistakes, please learn yours. It's not a big deal to me if no one cares now, the only matter is i care and i care to fix what needs to be fixing. I'll be happy if i can make them proud of me. Segalanya yang berlaku pasti ada hikmahnya. With Allah's will, salam.

Thanks you guys, even it's not much, it's better to have your supports at this moment.