All that matters to me

How can i forgive myself and how can i get your love.

For the past few months, mostly i was very happy to own a person that loves me so much. As a lover. Now a few days back, i lost that particular person for my own misbehavior, egoistic and bad anger management. The most common thing happen when it comes into arguments, i'll be saying a lot of crap and shits where i do not intend to say so. Being in anger is a self destruction. Remember people, anger doesn't give you any kind of good relieve or satisfaction, it only brings you more collaborate damage to yourself and others. What had happen to me should be a BIG lesson to myself and all of you. Please don't risk your relationship for some small and stupid matters. It wasn't worth it, at all :'( When i lose someone i love so much, and even more who loves me a lot, it's just cracking me up. You wont hear the same words you able to hear like yesterdays, the old days. You won't talk and laugh about the same thing, probably you wont have another sweet conversations like you used to have :'( Even you're still his/her friend, you can't expect to get all those things back like it was, back then when you were someone special to them. Now, it's just not the same anymore.

This is where you need to stand up tall, cry as you want to but keep walking. Just keep walking, pray that God have a better plan for you, pray a lot so that you can be strong to face these alone. I know i do. I have non of my friends backing me up, i have the only person i love who doesn't even want me back in a certain period of time for the reason he wasn't ready enough to handle me. The pain was such crucial. I don't know where to begin, i don't know how to show i'm ready to change, and how terribly sorry i am for what i have done before, why couldn't i get another chance? Is there another chance? Dear God, i never wanted this to happen and i never want it to be this far :'(

I can't explain how i feel exactly, but i just hope people should take precaution, don't act stupid if you love your relationship. Whenever you got into a fight, THINK again, does any of the fights gonna make you happier? Or would it just ends your priceless bond of love? Do you still want to hear he/she calling you just to say 'i love you baby' 'i miss you so much'. Then please, do not fight :'( Or else, you'll be end up like me. I never get to hear he call me 'my baby'. The worst part is, i never get to know will he able to love me back like before. We used to be the couple that every one envies but I lost him, and i can't forgive myself. I wish this is only a nightmare and soon everything going to be back like we used to fall deeply in love together. 

To every relationships out there, be patience and never stop loving each other.

If you're here,i'll hold you tightly and let you know, i love you from the bottom of my heart.